Are you a frustrated single whose dating and/or relationship aspirations, hopes, dreams are continuously dashed on the rocks of disappointment? Does it seem that you're always meeting the wrong people and don't know why?
You're not alone in this dilemma. Many thousands, if not millions of singles share this unfortunate kind of experience, finding repeatedly that the quality of dates they attract does not meet their expectation.
Indeed, finding the right parter, let alone developing a healthy dating relationship, may seem like the impossible dream. Such impossibility is particularly easy to believe in when we even have trouble getting past the first date experience. (Interestingly, this is something that may turn out to be not as bad as we think. We'll return to this notion below.) However, it turns out a that an important key to solving this dating dilemma is simpler and more basic than you may have thought.
The first date holds a special significance in the quest for the right partner: It functions as a kind of screener of acceptability from which to determine whether that first date person meets some very important and basic criteria.
On that note, the first date can be viewed not unlike an initial job interview, in which the candidate's qualifications are systematically and carefully scrutinized. Here, a candidate's answers to important (first date) strategic questions can either qualify or disqualify moving up the ladder into the next round, e.g. date number two.
Important first date questions of the kind suggested here are, unfortunately, not those most often found online when searching terms like "first date" or "first date questions" or "importance of first date questions". Indeed, what we find instead in response to our query (and, this is not the fault of search engines), is something very different.
Almost without exception, one finds that top ranked websites describe the importance of first date questions in purely in-the-moment terms. For instance,
to break up the silence
to get a conversation going
to avoid spoiling the date
to get through the experience as pleasantly as possible.
Any critical thinking on the potential "strategic" importance of first date questions seems to be totally absent. In deciding whether we want to move forward in any manner with our first date person, can it really be that important to find out things about our date including
who was the best friend
most embarrassing thing that happened in elementary school
what they dreamed of being when grown up
whether they're cheap or thrifty
the bravest thing they ever did
favorite joke
would they have plastic surgery done
adjective a close friend would use to describe them
Do we really want the answers to these questions to form the basis from which to interpret the success of our first date and potential for relationship.
Alright then, what might truly strategic, first date questions look like? Remember we want to be able to use the answers to these important questions strategically. That means we want to be able to screen first date individuals for the position of prospective partner. We want to know if our first date has the right stuff to develop a healthy dating relationship.
Now recall the suggestion made above: that blowing the first date is not necessarily a bad thing. This may seem initially to be contra-intuitive, but, without the benefit of proper strategic first date questions, blowing the first date may be an inadvertent enviable alternative to the risks involved in moving along to date number two and beyond.
You're not alone in this dilemma. Many thousands, if not millions of singles share this unfortunate kind of experience, finding repeatedly that the quality of dates they attract does not meet their expectation.
Indeed, finding the right parter, let alone developing a healthy dating relationship, may seem like the impossible dream. Such impossibility is particularly easy to believe in when we even have trouble getting past the first date experience. (Interestingly, this is something that may turn out to be not as bad as we think. We'll return to this notion below.) However, it turns out a that an important key to solving this dating dilemma is simpler and more basic than you may have thought.
The first date holds a special significance in the quest for the right partner: It functions as a kind of screener of acceptability from which to determine whether that first date person meets some very important and basic criteria.
On that note, the first date can be viewed not unlike an initial job interview, in which the candidate's qualifications are systematically and carefully scrutinized. Here, a candidate's answers to important (first date) strategic questions can either qualify or disqualify moving up the ladder into the next round, e.g. date number two.
Important first date questions of the kind suggested here are, unfortunately, not those most often found online when searching terms like "first date" or "first date questions" or "importance of first date questions". Indeed, what we find instead in response to our query (and, this is not the fault of search engines), is something very different.
Almost without exception, one finds that top ranked websites describe the importance of first date questions in purely in-the-moment terms. For instance,
to break up the silence
to get a conversation going
to avoid spoiling the date
to get through the experience as pleasantly as possible.
Any critical thinking on the potential "strategic" importance of first date questions seems to be totally absent. In deciding whether we want to move forward in any manner with our first date person, can it really be that important to find out things about our date including
who was the best friend
most embarrassing thing that happened in elementary school
what they dreamed of being when grown up
whether they're cheap or thrifty
the bravest thing they ever did
favorite joke
would they have plastic surgery done
adjective a close friend would use to describe them
Do we really want the answers to these questions to form the basis from which to interpret the success of our first date and potential for relationship.
Alright then, what might truly strategic, first date questions look like? Remember we want to be able to use the answers to these important questions strategically. That means we want to be able to screen first date individuals for the position of prospective partner. We want to know if our first date has the right stuff to develop a healthy dating relationship.
Now recall the suggestion made above: that blowing the first date is not necessarily a bad thing. This may seem initially to be contra-intuitive, but, without the benefit of proper strategic first date questions, blowing the first date may be an inadvertent enviable alternative to the risks involved in moving along to date number two and beyond.
About the Author:
Knowing and asking the right strategic questions on a first date can help predict your date's potential for healthy relationship. For more information about the strategy of first date questions, visit www.FirstDateQuestions.net.
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